disc Proclaimed Sanctuary SKRaTCHED!
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Sunday, March 05, 2006


Childhood is the Kingdom Where Nobody Dies


Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age
The child is grown, and puts away childish things.
Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies.

Nobody that matters, that is. Distant relatives of course
Die, whom one never has seen or has seen for an hour,
And they gave one candy in a pink-and-green stripéd bag,
or a jack-knife,
And went away, and cannot really be said to have lived at all.

And cats die. They lie on the floor and lash their tails,
And their reticent fur is suddenly all in motion
With fleas that one never knew were there,
Polished and brown, knowing all there is to know,
Trekking off into the living world.
You fetch a shoe-box, but it's much too small, because she won't
curl up now:
So you find a bigger box, and bury her in the yard, and weep.
But you do not wake up a month from then, two months
A year from then, two years, in the middle of the night
And weep, with your knuckles in your mouth, and say Oh, God! Oh, God!
Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies that matters,
—mothers and fathers don't die.

And if you have said, "For heaven's sake, must you always
be kissing a person?"
Or, "I do wish to gracious you'd stop tapping on the window
with your thimble!"
Tomorrow, or even the day after tomorrow if you're busy having fun,
Is plenty of time to say, "I'm sorry, mother."

To be grown up is to sit at the table with people who have died,
who neither listen nor speak;
Who do not drink their tea, though they always said
Tea was such a comfort.

Run down into the cellar and bring up the last jar of raspberries;
they are not tempted.
Flatter them, ask them what was it they said exactly
That time, to the bishop, or to the overseer, or to Mrs. Mason;
They are not taken in.
Shout at them, get red in the face, rise,
Drag them up out of their chairs by their stiff shoulders and
shake them and yell at them;
They are not startled, they are not even embarrassed; they slide
back into their chairs.

Your tea is cold now.
You drink it standing up,
And leave the house.
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Thursday, March 02, 2006


I Have Choosen to Stay and Fight

Temperament: Calm
Record: "Wasteland" by 10 Years

Damn, I feel like I'm playing Clue. I got one group saying it was was Ms. Black with the e-mail in ther bedroom, I got other people saying it was Ms. White in the den with the computer, and I got some saying it was Mr. Tan with the cell phone at the university. Hell who knows it could all be a bluff.

So the last 48 hours have been infinately interesting. I've been reading some people's reactions and they aren't the people I thought they were, but that's fine I'm sure they are trying to get use to who I am too. It really doesn't mean anything.

I spent an hour or so arguing with Kurt about the Clue thing. He wants me to take some retaliatory vengence like action. I really don't care that much about people's opinions to do that. He accused me of being a doormat and letting people walk all over me. I just think that sometimes the best retaliation is none at all. I think he expects me to act with other people like I act with him. I demand almost perfection from him, I feel bad for him because of this. For everyone else, there flaws are there flaws. I think he expects me to be like some blood thirsty warrior woman when people wrong me. Eh, I'd like to think myself something slightly more temperate. I don't like to lay all my feelings or all my cards out at once. I think my reactions to things surprise people a lot. I think I come off harsher than what I really am.

Enough on that. I'm looking forward to the 9 day break. I hope nothing too deranged happens at home. I think tomorrow I might skip my morning class and go out in the morning and just sit in the dew. Kurt doesn't understand my stillness while all this is going on. I really can't explain. Things happen and I can react or not react. Now or later it doesn't matter. Never it doesn't matter. Some actions make the world stop--those are the ones you fight about. If the world keeps spinning you say fuck it and move on.

Kurt is here talking to me again about defending myself. It's funny how puffed up he is about doing something. It reminds me of a few years ago. Damn I have a finesse for turning people against me. Eh what can I say, I do things and cop to them and then take people's words for their actions. Maybe I'm just naieve and would rather think the best of people. I'm rambeling and I don't give a fuck.

It's funny how many songs you know all the words to isn't it?

I kinda want to keep going. I want to keep writing. Keep talking to no one and nothings. I feel like Fucking Doogie Houser or Jessica Sara PArker in Sex in the City...type and talk to yourself :P

I wonder what Jonnell is doing I need to call her. I need to call Keisha. I need to call Daniel. Break couldn't have come at a more perfect and flawless time. I'm kinda tired of people and their opinions and their nosiness. Kimberly Humpheries grabbed me today and tried to talk to me. She is my total opposite. Blonde hair, blue eyes, nice clothes, cheerful, my total opposite. She told me today that she wanted to be more like me. I was confused and laughed and asked her what she meant. She said I always had such a serious expression like I didn't feel anything and on the rare occassions she's seen me smile she thinks its nice. She also said she liked the way I talked. Something about how I went through an all possible senario things. She said I always feel far away from people. I wonder if that's a nice way of saying I'm spacy. I told her she made me sound really cool when I was pretty open and run of the mill, but I guess it's just to people who really know me which is all of 5 people. To everyone else there must be a lot of black on my rap sheet in their heards. I dunno. Sometimes I wish I was more like Kimberly Humpheries too. But I can only be what I am, as wonderful or as terrible as that maybe.

Hmm I think I"m going to go read the interview in the back of my Angel Cage Art book. I like that interview a lot.

Peace out

PS Yo Priest as much as I should distrust you I dont I still have faith in you. I'd more readily believe other people at fault than you :P



Wasteland


Change my attempt good intentions...

Crouched over
You were not there
Living in fear
But signs were not really that scarce
Obvious tears
And I will not
Hide you through this
I want you to help
Please see
The bleeding heart perched on my shirt

Die, withdraw
Hide in cold sweat
Quivering lips
Ignore remorse
Naming a kid, living wasteland
This time you've tried
All that you can turning you red

Change my attempt good intentions
Should I, could I
Here we are with your obsession
Should I, could I

Crowned hopeless
The article read living wasteland
This time you've tried
All that you can turning you red
but I will not
Hide you through this
I want you to help

Change my attempt good intentions
Should I, could I

Here we are with your obsession
Should I, could I

Heave the silver hollow sliver
Piercing through another victim
Turn and tremble be judgmental
Ignorant to all the symbols
Blind the face with beauty paste
Eventually you'll one day know

Change my attempt good intentions
Limbs tied, skin tight
Self inflicted his perdition

Should I, could I
Change my attempt good intentions
Should I, could I
Should I, could I
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Wednesday, March 01, 2006


The Confessional


So I've got some things to say. Things that are really no ones business but I think they have to be said for ceratin reasons.

First off, in case you guys are wondering why Junior has been so fucked up for the past 6 months, that's my fault. While we were dating, I cheated on him with Kurt, we slept together. Yes you read right. I'm not here bragging, I'm not here trying to embarass myself or anyone else. I'm here trying to get someone to check on the Mexican. I call him every week or so and sometimes he answers and sometimes he doesn't. Last night we talked and I thought we had a good conversation but apparently not since he's telling me again that he never wants to talk to me again.

Now why am I posting, in case some people got lost, I'm not looking for judgement, I'm not looking for opinions, I know I made a mistake and that's my problem--other people's opinions and comments aren't really going to do anything about that. I'm posting the background information necessary for somebody to talk to Junior because obviously he won't let me do it anymore. Yes he's a grown man and he can take care of himself but I worry about him so I'd appreciate it if someone checked on him. Preferably without mentioning this because he really didn't want anyone to know.

So yea someonebody try and help him. I've turned off the comment box so I dont have to hear anyone's opinions. This is a request to help someone I care about. You can hate me all you want but help him and it's fine.

Thanks to those that help.

Edit: this must be like coming out of the closet. People ridiculing you for something that's really none of their business
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Prolouge to the Confessional

Temperament: Irritated
Record: "Control Myself" by LL Cool J feat. JLo

I don't think I posted in Febuary and it's the first day of March. so I wanted to get this month's blog entry going. I'm thinking about letting some infor lose just because of some events last night. I think its about that time. Anyway stay tuned boys and girls.
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       Your DJ: Kimberly
       DJ Type:Femme Fatale
       Skratch Style:Screamo Mellow-dious
       Skratching Since: August 30th 1986
       Club Scene:Macon
       Hear Me:Mercer University
       Rock Me:silent_epiphany01@yahoo.com
       
Do you Speak DJ?

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Whispered Secrets
Sacred Promises
Pressure Prayer
Seraph's Atelier

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First Year

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        This blog was designed in Notepad and Adobe Paint Shop        Pro 6 by Kimberly Hernandez on Sunday,March 13th, 2005.        Please do not pilfer, this is the first one I've made in a long time.